tracemymemories

Reliving The Passion

2011-05-08T09:17:00.000+08:00

... is really just going back to your first love.

Taking a moment of pause to relook, realign, rediscover.

Even You Wouldn't Believe It.

2010-08-25T00:27:00.002+08:00

Tonight, I realized the need to be independent.

Sprained my ankle badly during training. Drove home in pain only to coincidentally find out that the jack for my car charger fell apart. Reached home, couldn't find a parking in front of my house (which is rare) and had to park in front of the neighbor's place which means I have to wake up at 6am tmr to re-park the car. Noticed a small space which might be able to fit my car, but remembered that reverse sensor is not working after car went for redressing. Took 15 minutes just to pack my bags and limp to the gate only to have my 2 dogs pounce at me, running frantically out to pee; which in the process, one jumped so high she scratched my thighs till it bled and the other kicked my sprained ankle. Dropped all my bags and spent another 5 minutes just retrieving my stuff which scattered on the porch floor. Entered house only to find dad talking about how the reverse sensor in my car cannot be fixed anymore because the guy who resprayed it cut the wires off after deciding it was the easiest way to detach it.

That's my day.

In realization, that this is a need to be independent - when no one is around to help you up and you keep falling, you pull yourself up. Even if it hurts so badly, you gotta just get up and keep on going.

xoxo.

Move Forward Or Give Up.

2010-08-22T12:58:00.003+08:00

and it was heard..

There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up.

***

Irony - Sleep was painful and tiring the past 2 nights with intervals of sudden awakenings followed by a series of massive headaches. Trust me when I say, not a good idea to sleep with your handphone strapped so tightly around your chest. Foolish of me to think that the beeps will come in, when of course, it didn't.

Feels good to give yourself a hard Slap once in awhile, to realize that you're not dead and that the world/people don't evolve around you. You, in fact, are expected to evolve around them. Like a green slimy creature who becomes its environment, slowly losing its self identity and purpose of being.

My serene run yesterday evening did however do some good, brought me back to how solace felt like and gave the mind a moment of rest, minus the after run burning knee joint aches of course.

I've been running a lot lately, and often not knowing my destination. It is the denial that as long as you continue running, you seem like you're moving forward but in actual fact, you may be going in the exact opposite direction. Not only do I need a moment of pause, I need a guide. Is that how it is with many out there or am I a special case of Benjamin Button?

Remedy of the tired mind: Needs a bowl of cold Caesar salad and a good company.

:(

Silver Lining.

2010-08-22T01:59:00.003+08:00

Hi you,

I know you don't read my blog. But the little gesture of remembering my favorite chocolate and bringing it to me today knowing I was down...was really, really sweet.

Such little things, go such a long way. Without even knowing it.

Thank you.

:)

Still Here, But Already Gone.

2010-08-22T01:49:00.004+08:00

Artist: Lucie Silvas
Title: Already Gone

I can't stop the moon from rising
And the sun will set exactly where it should
I can't stop the rivers from running
God only knows I'd stop you if I could

From not seeing me how you used to
From walking out the door
I can't stop you from not loving me anymore

I can do nothing if your mind's made up
No matter how I feel it's not enough for the both of us
So don't lie to me cause there's no need
I have fooled myself for too long
Cause you're still here but you're already gone

Spring time will come after winter
But the winter seems to last the whole year long
And I know, I know you're just trying to make it easier
While I'm sitting here trying to be strong

You can say you love me
It won't sound right anymore
Cause it's written on your face
So what are you waiting for?

I can do nothing if your mind's made up
No matter how I feel it's not enough for the both of us
So don't lie to me cause there's no need
I have fooled myself for too long
Cause you're still here but you're already gone

Your coat's still in the hallway
My heart's still in your hands
I don't want to face the truth right now
But that's not who I am

No that's not who I am

I can do nothing if your mind's made up
No matter how I feel it's not enough for the both of us
So don't lie to me cause there's no need
I have fooled myself for too long
Cause you're still here but you're already gone

Spur moment of Life in a song.

There's a line.

2010-08-21T20:11:00.007+08:00

off to wherever solace may be. Not of a return to the expected.

True Love, by His Standards.

2010-08-21T19:33:00.001+08:00

and she said..

Real love warrants some form of investment on your part. You clock in time, put in effort and you invest in the person you love over and over again – without end. And if you run dry from giving, and find that you've given until there's nothing more to give, you go back to God, recharge and then you invest all over again.

"I love you." You can't just say the words and assume that it means something. People say that all the time. Even when they don't mean it. But real, honest-to-God love finds its substance in conduct. If you love, you've got to act on it. Stand up for it. Fight for it.

''If you love, you've got to act on it. Stand up for it. Fight for it.''

And most difficult of all, you've got to be willing to make sacrifices for it. Even it means giving up some of the things that are precious to you. Take tangibles, for example – like money, possessions or a better job some place else. Or even the touchy intangibles we so rarely talk about and carefully skirt around when we have to – like pride, or face, or ego.

The root word 'Forgive' is only mentioned 53 times in the New King James Version while the word 'Love' is mentioned a staggering 362 times – seven times more! So, if we are told to forgive a brother who sins not seven times, but seventy-seven times (Matthew 18:21-22), how much more are we called to love?

But you can't call it love
if you don't do anything
to act on how you feel.

In its most ideal form, Love is not Love until it is selfless and sacrificial. In all things, it is gentle, compassionate, tender and kind. But it also fiercely protects its own. And even as it offers security, it doesn't ever seek to possess. It isn't bridled by pride and jealousy. Neither is it uncaring or aloof. Instead, it stands in perfect balance amidst the chaos of this world. It dotes but never spoils. It corrects but remembers no wrongs. It accepts all, forgives all and harbours nothing of ill intent. That, is true love by His standards.

Even if it means giving up, something that is precious to you.

I know.

2010-01-15T00:18:00.002+08:00

Deep down in the gut, I know.

That explains why waiting is so painful.

Because deep deep down..

I just know.

its not gonna happen.

January 14, 2010.

2010-01-14T00:36:00.002+08:00

Waiting is our destiny as creatures who cannot by themselves bring about what they hope for. We wait in the darkness for a flame we cannot light, we wait in fear for a happy ending we cannot write. We wait for a 'not yet' that feels like a 'not ever'. Waiting is the hardest work of hope.

That's why we have Faith.

Have a good day everyone!

Lov, Tracy.

Share.

2010-01-14T00:30:00.002+08:00

They say that the only way your new year resolutions will ever come to pass, is to share it with people you love.

What a big assumption that all eyes reading this blog belong to those who love me. :)

Anyway.

One of my many, is to take more pictures! I don't remember the turning point of me becoming utterly lazy and tired (yes tired) of posing for pictures. Dressing up, yes. Posing for shots, hmm.

I need to put memories into frames. A camera frame.

Cos this is a life worth living :)

Here's to a productive and adventurous day tomorrow.

Goodnight guys!

2010 at GE

2010-01-06T00:16:00.004+08:00

Am blessed with wonderful bosses, fun and supportive colleagues.

Am blessed with steep learning curves and ever expanding responsibilities.

Am blessed with GE.

When you learn to appreciate challenges, you learn to enjoy being stretched.

..Here's to a challenging yet wonderful 2010.

Thank you Daddy.

and it's brand new.

2010-01-02T03:45:00.002+08:00

Know my priorities, Running towards my dreams.

No pit stops.

Love.

Hello 2010.

Piece of Cake.....right?

2009-08-30T03:10:00.003+08:00

It's 3.10am.

and it is time.

to start working.

I can do this.

The day's Promise.

2009-08-30T03:00:00.003+08:00

James 1:17

Rather than racing into the limelight, we need to accept our role in the shadows. Don't promote yourself. Don't push yourself to the front. Let someone else do that. Better yet, let God do that.

If you're great, the word will get out. You'll be found, in God's time. If you're necessary for the plan, He will put you in the right place at just the precise time. God's work is not about us. It's His production, start to finish.

August 30, 2009.

Truth may hurt, But it will heal.

2009-08-11T01:09:00.007+08:00

Forget.

Forgive.

Free.

Forward.

My Direction.

Focus.

The Last Moment

2009-08-11T00:46:00.003+08:00

在我最后一次闭上眼睛之前
我想对你说我爱你
在你怀里舍不得放弃
心里有千万语还没说给你听
我使尽全力不想闭上眼睛
这次告别就不能再相遇
不能再陪你但不要忘记
你曾经答应我你会好好活下去
先走了去了好远的地方
不能再陪你看日出等不到天亮
所有回忆抹去却并不容易
生死由天决定不要太伤心
在我最后一次闭上眼睛之前
我想对你说我爱你
在你怀里舍不得放弃
心里有千万语还没说给你听
我使尽全力不想闭上眼睛
这次告别就不能再相遇
不能再陪你但不要忘记
你曾经答应我你会好好活下去
在我最后一次闭上眼睛之前
我想对你说我爱你
在你怀里舍不得放弃
心里有千万语还没说给你听
我使尽全力不想闭上眼睛
这次告别就不能再相遇
不能再陪你但不要忘记
你曾经答应我你会好好活下去
我永远爱你

'Promises to live well and make use of this life worth livin'

Treasure the ones you love and especially the ones who loves you back for you only live once to experience the best life can offer.

Man-less power.

2009-08-11T00:26:00.002+08:00

There are days when you get up on the wrong side of the bed to an alarm clock that has been ringing for 45mins (meaning that you're late for work), with a throbbing head you walk to the washroom. From being unable to find the top you want to wear to noticing that your make-up just looks wrong, only to find that your hair iron has died.

and this is just the mere beginning. Don't even get me started on the rest of my day.

However, I do have one conclusion. 'Manpwr' services (pun intended) only provides one type of service. The Lousiest. If you're looking for a headhunter to get you a job or to give you options, go to any but this. I don't even want to start talking about what they did. Such a waste of virtual space.

Bah.

Can we really have it all?

2009-07-30T08:57:00.003+08:00

Focusing on work and finding that inner piece that's missing helps a little.

I've learned many important lessons in life during my search to have 'it all', and I know that the definition of all changes from time to time as we mature and have more expectations. Step by step I'll be able to find the answers to mine.

Firstly, to be at peace with myself, comfortable that I am always doing my very best given the circumstances with the hand life has dealt me, and with no regrets. I'm learning that if having 'it all' is reliant on circumstances outside of our control, we can and will easily be disappointed.

For now, by achieving just this, I think I can have 'my all'.

Do what you can, with no regrets.

2009-07-20T00:47:00.004+08:00

*click to enlarge*

I love my job.

Forward is a Direction.

2009-07-15T17:05:00.003+08:00

One by one, everyone will be leaving and moving on. It's time for me to suck it up and really move on to the next chapter of the corporate world, in terms of independance and well, new friends?

The journey has been a wonderful one. Me heart you guys lots!

Tomorrow is the day. It's either this or well, another. There are always options, never narrow it to one. Whatever comes my way, I'm sure it was planned and my best interest was in mind. Thank you Daddy. I'll be brave :)

Giving Back.

2009-07-05T12:35:00.003+08:00

All that I've been given and blessed, with the minimal ability that I have, I'm giving back. Proud of the team, their effort, the teamwork, the stress and the crazy-whacky fun times throughout the process. Love you guys!

GLP love.

All I could have been.

2009-06-30T19:48:00.007+08:00

First in a long time. The past week and the current one has been crazy for me. My faith has been really stretched, and at times I want to just let go and stop fighting for the picture of my future. The real pain comes now, when you have to handle yourself with so much care, not letting yourself slip for even one second. The pain comes now when there is so much uncertainty yet, you are required to be focused and rational. The pain comes now when you just don't see much. It scares the living hell out of me, yet I am required to be as brave as ever.

I'm tired but I can't stop here. Not after what I've put into this, not after all I have given. The reminders keep playing in my tiny head, simple yet strong - just wait on Him.

Looking at me from the opposite, I see myself panicking too much. Upset over making mistakes, upset when I don't get things done perfectly and on time. Upset that I may have let people down, upset that I may have no more chance to prove myself, upset that I didn't get to be all I could have been.

I'm so tired daddy. And very, very afraid.

What if this isn't enough?

Psalm 32:10 - Just what I need.

2009-06-30T19:29:00.003+08:00

At times, God requires a season of waiting before He sends His blessings. Then trust becomes your greatest asset. If you don't trust God with your need, you will cry out in fear and panic. Even in the most tempestuous circumstances, He teaches you to trust in Him, and He is teaching you to watch and wait for His outstretched arms.

No sleep.

2009-06-14T01:26:00.001+08:00

Nightmares.

I really want you out.

Carpe Diem.

2009-06-13T21:39:00.006+08:00

There are no second chances in the real world, or life for that matter. Realizing the importance of getting it right especially the first time round, leaves a good impression or rather, a neutral one. One tiny slip, and your character is being judged, your ability and even your motives. It's so hard.

Walking in and out, you will notice people of all categories, within different social status. Like it or not, we are all being judged day in day out, by our appearance. By the parking attendant, by the cleaner lady, by random strangers you meet while waiting for the lift, by your office receptionist, by your colleagues and bosses. Even if you don't open your mouth or make any form of eye contact but you're wearing something that others deem 'inappropriate', or your make up and hair makes you look like a slut, or your heels are way too tall for someone smart, there you're judged. It's so hard.

During an interview, I once came across a question asking, 'What keeps you motivated at work?'
Taking a step back, I sat down to think through it. To some, it is the passion, or the money, or the status and recognition. To some, it is the people, the stories, the conversations. To some, it is the bottomless amount of Nescafe, Milo, 100plus, and Japanese Green Tea you can consume in the pantry. To some, it is the acknowledgment that you're doing something useful in your life. To some, it is the 10.30am tuna and curry puff man that appears in front of your office lobby every Mondays and Thursdays. :)

For me, it is a little of everything. Above all, it is knowing that I am in the process of moving along this designated path, a new chapter in life. A path that I've chosen. Though slowly but surely.

And I am grateful. Cos I know that i certainly did not do this on my own, I had doors open from up high, from Daddy.

Rocky, the road seems to be, even for miles up front. Not being able to see a clear lane keeps you afraid all the time, and makes you wanna give up. But I'm not though it does hit you at times. Giving up is always the easier option as opposed to fighting through, and people love easy options don't they? Well, if there's no one to lay down the red carpet, lay your own.

Btw, syl and saha, just love you guys! If ever it doesn't work out, you two made the journey worth it.

They're Back.

2009-06-13T05:20:00.003+08:00

It's 5.20am and I'm wide awake. Finished preparing my order for tmr and although heavy-eyed, I refuse to go to bed. Jap class starts today too. Things are starting to pick up again, the rush, the work, the studying.

My nightmares are back and it's really killing me. Not only does it make me look like one emotional wreck in my sleep, it makes me moody in the morning.

:(

I want them to stop and go away.

What path?

2009-06-04T01:17:00.004+08:00

I'm tired. Mentally. I hate not knowing where I'm going or what it's gonna be like.

Kills my focus.

Keeping my chin up to fight on.

Isaiah 40:31

Squid Hair

2009-05-29T23:57:00.004+08:00

Again, I'm not dead. This is the first day in a month or so since I actually sat down and thought of updating both my blog and cupcake site. Guilty pleasures :p

Just came back from a very nice steamboat dinner with zen (haven't went for a proper dinner in a while) and while is is PS3ing, I'm thinking about cutting my hair really short. Ok - shoulder length. Reason being, I saw a chinese girl during dinner just now, she had long straight hair which was so long it reached her thighs. Seriously, how does she manage the toilet? When she was taking raw food for her steamboat, I swear her hair went into the container of uncooked squid and its seafood juice.

ew.

Personally I think her hair made her look dull and boring. Looking in the mirror, I realized that I have long straight hair too (un-squided though) and guess what - dull and boring don't u think?
Thus, I wanna cut my hair but there's so many buts.

Well, see how it goes. And if I really do, I'm really gonna spend on it at a good place. Keeping you guys updated!

Lotsa love.

ps: ren missing you.

toilets at work rawks.

2009-05-10T02:07:00.003+08:00

Hi all,

I'm not dead even though my blog is. I have not blogged in a long time and even my playlist and chatbox decided to give up and move on. Please forgive my unhealthy blogging woes. I love you guys loads. Work has been awesome, looking forward to more! I will be back to update as soon as I get the flow of things.

Btw - Happy Mothers Day ma. You're my greatest support. I love you!

To prove that I'm well and very much alive and loved :p..

I Can!

2009-03-30T15:03:00.004+08:00

A plan isn't a plan till you write it down in your blog with a big-ass picture of yourself in front. Works for me =)
...
Giving it 120% effort and commitment.
Working on accountability and punctuality!
Making constant initiative.
Practicing alertness and wisdom.
Stresses on continual improvement.
Overcome fear of rejection, learn and move on.
...
I'm excited, a little scared yet I believe I can.
Jia you trace, you have Jesus in you!

Typically Me.

2009-03-29T19:20:00.003+08:00

Hello everyone. It's just so typically me to post an entry with a picture. Ok fine, my picture. I'm not a narcissist Dickson. I just like me, as opposed to my previous blog entry. I have a lot to write about and I have a lot of reading to do in preparation of my new job! (updates on the way!) So stay tuned alright? =) I'm rushing off to basketball now, I'm dying for some exercise & sweat! till then..

Btw, these pics are from a series. Just like the one on my header.
I hope you like em as much as I do! hugs!

I Don't Like Me.

2009-03-26T17:24:00.003+08:00

Today isn't one of those many days. Went through an eye opening experience and I know now why God placed me there in the first place all those years ago. I remember the times when I questioned His ways, I asked a lot of whys. It was hard, in terms of a lot of sweat and tears but now I finally understand His reasons. That He would only want the best for His children and nothing less, that He wants me to wait a little longer so that He could give me only the best. I never should have doubted the plans that He had for me all along, I never should have given up. Yes, I managed to secure the position today, but much more than that, I sat down and looked into myself. For the first time in a long time, I couldn't find much. In fact, nothing. Empty and hollow, I didn't like this new me, at all.

I'm sorry Daddy.

Is it too late to start over?

So Blue.

2009-03-18T01:52:00.006+08:00

-Content removed by author-

There is no why to why I am feeling a little hurt.

Haka Face.

2009-03-16T01:34:00.003+08:00

Just got back from a happening family reunion slash surprise birthday party. My family rox I tell you. One minute we were eating delicious, oiliest roast pork skin (the fatter the better) and the next we were all dancing to Let's Twist Againnn on the floors. We were not exactly twisting, some were even doing MJ's Thriller dance moves while my 9 year old cousin started being a dancing robot. I love my crazy loving family to bits! I wish I had the video of our Haka NZ All Blacks dance performance! hahahhaha.... <3

How do you go a day without them.
:)

Some Fear.

2009-03-10T22:54:00.004+08:00

He looked at her, confused. ''You never did tell me what your greatest fear is.''
He waited with tensed eyes as she turned to him.

Even in the darkness, she knew that he will finally, finally understand what she's been trying to say.
''The worst thing that they can do is kill me. But you. You can...leave me.''

Me For Sale.

2009-02-28T02:15:00.006+08:00

I've been questioning myself the past few days. Accessing the way I feel, the way I see things now, and the way I've become, I really can't say that I enjoy what I see. Mainly because, I've come to a point where there is always a need to protect myself as opposed to the person I was in the past who only wants to protect her others. I used to be able to sacrifice everything for those I deem worthy, but now I've turned into this, this person who's just so blinded and protective, of herself.

Yes in many ways, I too am glad that the experience made the bond grow and eliminated problems we couldn't see on the surface. But there was a price to pay. A heavy one too.

I lost me.

I've always wanted to see the best in people, to never deny their actions, to cheer them on during days of their success and be of good cheer to everyone around me. In short, I was empathic. I believed in doing good, and having it come around one day and I've never treated others the way I didn't want to them to treat me. All that until now.

Through 2008, I realized that the world doesn't evolve that way anymore, the way I thought it should. Nothing is played by the rules, nothing goes according to principalities. What is friendship when it comes to weighing the benefits that it brings to you versus the effort you put in it. Loyalty? How sad that it is perceived as just a pretentious way to say, 'I do, for now.'
I've had my point taken.

Nowadays, people go modern it seems. Wives run away from their husband and children, leaving them to pursue dreams and jobs, husbands getting divorced and marrying again and again to find excitement in freshness, boys and girls flirting with other people's partners for the fun of it and never considering what damage it would cause, girlfriends sleep with best friend's boyfriends (thinking, what's the big deal.), boyfriends cheating on their other half (thinking what's the big deal.), children leaving their parents wishing that they had a choice in choosing family.

I don't ever deny that I too, like many, had my share of wrongs. But if everyone would stop after one mistake, and turning their withered leaves over, much more can be avoided. Much would be savaged. The chain would have cut itself off.

There is so much, I can never stop if I go on. I hate the way the world has become. I hate the way people have turned into. I hate to see that bad offers you more power over the weak. I despise the fact that for you to survive out there, there's no way you can play fair. I hate that when you don't laugh, others will when you fall. I hate that when you don't take advantage, it doesn't stop others from robbing you of your all.

Seriously, would someone tell me. In this post modern world, or whatever crap it is suppose to be.

What do we live by, and what do we live for?
I really need to know.

As Rare As Purple Hare.

2009-02-27T05:30:00.002+08:00

You know how streamyx is NEVER consistent?
You know how streamyx is NEVER fast anymore?

Well tonight, you know nuts.
Cos, streamyx and FB works perfectly well!
As rare as purple hare..

Therefore, I've uploaded hundreds and hundreds of pictures on FB.
Reason being: I feel so bad for keeping all of them to myself, especially when I recall the sweet memories they contain with the people in it!

Enjoy everyone!

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=1514415&id=737654600&saved#/
profile.php?id=737654600&ref=name

Some Change, I Like.

2009-02-23T18:26:00.005+08:00

How do you like my new banner?

:)

And even when they fluster to say that something is in the air, it's not only pollution.

it's love.

I Am Flexible.

2009-02-23T17:38:00.005+08:00

You know, when life gives you practically nothing flamboyant to brag about even when your friends do (over and over again too), you just admit that...

You too have something to brag about.
You have them.

And oui.
I agree, that when you're offered a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grief when it comes to an end.

Thank you Daddy.

The Reds.

2009-02-22T03:42:00.004+08:00

...and he does it again! Rooney is making a spectacular return after his hamstring injury during the match against Wigan by scoring against Blackburn in the 23rd minute, thus getting himself ready for Champions League. Yeah yeah! :)

No I didn't copy and paste it from some site.
I watch wan lor! :p

and the Red's go marching on, on, on.

woooot.

2009-02-19T03:35:00.002+08:00

I WILL STOP it NOW.
Making known my determination!
goodnight :)

Uncertainty Vs. Fear

2009-02-19T03:12:00.004+08:00

Hello to nothing. I do not have anything to blog about because I have much to say, too much in fact but I can't seem to word it. I should really go to bed right now, like NOW instead of sitting here listening to Richard Harris on repeat. He makes me really, really sad la.

:'(

I wish my heart would stop thumping and my head stop spinning. My face has been itching because I'm allergic to I don't know what. My eyes are puffy even after expensive medication. I feel dehydrated (because of my skin) although I've bottled down a lot of water which also made my eyes puffier. My hair feels dry and yuck. My nails are chipped. My tummy rumbling.
I feel very much like stinky poo.

:'(

I'm so uncertain right now, I want to slap myself.
I don't know how. I don't know why. I don't know if I should. I don't know if I could. I don't know how. I don't know why...

:'(

I keep reminding myself that I need to be a good support but first support myself independently. Be emotionally less WAVY. I want to, I really do. But I really give up on this wave thing, I just want to retrieve to my cave and hide there for a bit.

See even my emoticon also become senget and refuse to revert to its original form. How to not emo you tell me. Stupid blogspot.

:'(

Hungry Dummy.

2009-02-17T04:58:00.004+08:00

Lately, I've been sticking my nose in books from all over. From thick covered publications from the cookery department in MPH, to the novels and magazines. I get very excited when I see my bookshelf filled with newcomers which I have yet to sit down and flip. I wonder whether the National Library is worth the visit? Ok dumb question. I mean, based on my fussy taste in reading, will it be worth the visit? I wanna go anyway!

5.05am and I am still reading Dummies. I am so in love with em and I refuse to go to bed like a really bad girl. I wish I had a bowl of homemade mash potatoes to go with my reading. Haha.
I have to study for my Japanese exam tomorrow! Have to, got to!
がんばって！

MmmMmMMmmmmm..Reading makes you hungry.

がんばります

2009-02-17T02:44:00.005+08:00

On Valentine's Day, Pastor said this -

'Men can't stop the waves, but they can certainly learn how to surf.'

We women, are indeed very much like waves, driven and influenced a lot by our emotions and feelings. Women who claim that they do not feel or are not emotion guided, are just living in denial. I do admit that like one of those many women, my life has been driven by my emotions. Well, most of it. Sometimes, you feel the goodness of it, although most of the time, it seems bittersweet (More bitter than sweet).

I want to feel less, I do because I clearly know (and have been reminded countless of times) that feelings fade, emotions change and if we make decisions base on those, we're in for a one way ride - to shit.

No matter how hard we try to be a better partner, girlfriend, wife, we can't help with this emotion baggage that we are destined to carry around. What we can do is, carry the right emotions and discharging the wrong ones. There is one problem though - Which is which?

As for me, I'm learning to spring-clean this little baggage of mine, slowly throwing out the hurts, sorrow, disappointments, doubt. While at it, I'm also trying to find the trust. The unjaded, unexploited trust. It ain't a piece of cake. In fact, it's so hard that I wonder if I'd ever successfully clean out those baggages.

Pastor preached, and Pam also mentioned in her blog about loving and giving. I've heard this a thousand times, but have I put any of it into action? Or have I truly ever given without expecting anything in return? I have in some, and have not in others. The reason is simple. The Fear. Of being rejected, hurt and disappointed again. The fear of giving without getting the same or anything close in return. This I know. I know that I can never truly ever love again if I don't give. In this case, my trust. All of it.

Just as FrenchFry said in her blog,

Where has this girl gone?

Have I Mentioned That I Love To Run?

2009-02-17T02:15:00.003+08:00

Ironic as it is, yes I do. In some ways good, in others not.
This is my relay team which I'm so proud of and my 053 number that got me silver in 1500m.

I really love to run!

Faces and Places.

2009-02-17T01:57:00.007+08:00

There are days when I wonder why we can't take proper shots.
And there are days when I hope we don't!

Zen: Bi, oh my look at my coconut pic face!
Trace: (innocently) Yeah! Look at your coconut pig face!
Zen: =.='''

Tenji Japanese Buffet
Two thumbs up!

My Goal!

2009-02-17T01:15:00.004+08:00

Wow.

This is what I call, talent.

I can, I can, I can!

Someday. I can.

Marzipan Babies
These figures are made of pure cake icing and edible too. Marzipan is almond paste, a sweet paste made of ground almonds and sugar, often with egg whites or yolks, used as a layer in cakes or molded into figurings.

But..wow, they look so real. Breathtaking!

....wow.

Family Photoshoot.

2009-02-16T00:00:00.001+08:00

Had our first family photoshoot today by Grace and Sharon at TTDI park. It was really good, the shots were beautiful and it was indeed very memorable because not only were we humans present, our four-legged companions were there too. I can't wait to see the pictures! Thanks Grace and Sharon! You guys are amazing!

A very happy Mommy. Very proud of her photogenic baby!
You'll see what I mean when the pics are out. Haha!

Why Not Celebrate Friday The 13th.

2009-02-14T16:15:00.008+08:00

Ah the eve of Valentines.

I'm not all for superstition but sometimes, it is hard to deny that there is a day where all good/luck rests away.

(-)
Spots died yesterday.
(9 year old faithful guard dog. Sadd!)
My cousin's LV bag got mysteriously stolen.
(Mysterious as in creepy too! It just like disappeared between the wall and her legs. omg the universe IS tryin to say something!)
Baby and I, our car got clamped in Solaris parking lot.
(Ok i'm not complaining cos it is by far the smallest of deals to happen on a Friday the 13th!)
Didn't manage to finish studying for my Japanese exam.
(Therefor didn't go for Jap class and I'm so so so dead! I have tons to catch up.)

However, counter-offs!

(+)
We had a lovely pre-Valentine's day lunch at Tenji.
(The food was good, the atmosphere perfect, the company ideal! :) hurrah! )
I managed and delivered cupcake orders!
(and beautifully too! pics soon.)
Got the most ADORABLE valentine's gift ever.
(and not to mention must also very painful to his wallet ><) but most of all...

I have you.
Thus despite all, it was purrfect.
Happy Valentines you.
And to many more to come.

Love,
trace.

p/s: I loved the gift dear. Jackjack reminds me of you!

2009-02-06T15:32:00.002+08:00

Valentine's Day Cupcakes for sale!

Send in your orders now :)
Call or text 0123229408

Not planning to take many orders this time in order to spend some time with my dear,
but I will do some because, love is in the air!

Congratulations. You Did It.

2009-02-04T17:28:00.004+08:00

I just saw something off a 'friends' blog. Well, I don't know if a friend is the right term anymore. It seems like, people go after the new and leave behind the old fast. Who cares about the times you helped each other out in the past right? Who cares about the long term friendship? Who cares about whos feelings you'd rather prioritize right? Basically who cares? When you have a new life, you leave behind the old and everything in it.

Who is there to blame? Ask yourself cos I am in no position to judge.

Well, as humane as I can ignore being, I personally have gone a long way past caring about these people, or how hurt I was when they chose to walk away, or how forgetful and selfish they ended up being for their own benefits. I admit, initially I wanted to salvage the 'friendship' or whatever it was termed. I wanted to save whatever there was left because I still want to see the best in people. I laid myself low and made first attempts. I am not shy to say that I tried. I did, and finally, I wasn't the one who blew 'us' off.

As of now, I could care less. I'm nowhere near bragging. But I'm really bummed thinking about how I tried to help you up at times, or how I went to you at my lowest of times for support (which you obviously blew me off now that I know the truth) or how I called you my friend that I opened a way for you to be able to hurt me.

So long were the days. I'd still smile and talk to you. Like you, I too can pretend that nothing ever happened.

But you and I know clearly that we don't do Friendship. Not anymore.

A Little Lot More.

2009-01-30T13:27:00.003+08:00

''Looking at the other faces, hearing the other words.
Seeing the places, and just wondering where what did not work.
Learning to admit, the actions that did it.
It's all coming back to me now.''

Do more, feel less.
My time is yet to come.

There is so much more than this.
There must be.

Ok This Is Tiring.

2009-01-27T02:37:00.005+08:00

Since I'm waiting for the updates on my iTouch to complete and for some songs to be downloaded, I shall compliment my previous blog entry by doing the 20 Random Facts tag. Seriously can't remember when was the last time I responded to tags. Yes, I normally just ignore them, so this is a once in a colored candy moon thing!

Here goes.

20 Random Facts about yours truly:

I love doing many things at the same time. One of the many:- I can drive while talking on my bluetooth headset while eating a Big Mac meal with fries dipped in a mountain of tomato sauce. (Don't worry mum, I do pay serious attention on the road. I can multi-task :p)
Which reminds me - I think tomato sauces are men's most wonderful creation. I can finish half of a large bottle of sauce with my medium pack of french fries. (ok don't get disgusted. I'm sure you have your odd eating habits too!)
Like a typical city girl, shopping is in my blood. The difference is, I tend to forget about the things that I buy if I don't use them straight away. Even now, when I look through my stuff, I find clothes with price cards still hanging from its collar and price tags sealed on my things. (I blame my bad memory!)
I like to be on stage whether it is singing, dancing, acting, hosting, etc. There was once, I was appointed to play the role of a bimbo/slut/bitch in different productions for a whole year! Luckily, I managed to be freed from that soon after. (And no, not because I was one, am one, or will be one, but because I have good acting skills ok? :p)
I think in my past life, I must have been a guy. I love to watch football especially when my favorite team is playing (Go Reds!) and I enjoy fulfilling my cravings for tech gadgets. I do not chase after them frantically but simply cannot resist once I find out about its existence. (Am ashamed because I forsake some of them. Like my poor baby-pink PSP)
Ever since I could remember, I had and still have a deadly passion in collecting BAGS of different origin, color, shape, size, style, function, etc. I cannot resist walking away from a bag once I set my eyes upon it. (No joke, sometimes think until at night also cannot sleep ok!)
People who know me well will not be surprised by this fact. Two words. Little Feet! Babies steal my heart away, and ever since I was 7, I pretend to be a mommy by feeding my doll milk from the milk bottle and taking her for walks in a pram every evening around the living room. And now that I'm all grown up, I cannot wait to have my own :)
I am a very determined person. VERY. Sometimes, ok most of the time, it's bad cause being over-determined means that I tend to be impatient too. When I set my mind on something, I will do everything within my ability to get it. The fastest way possible. (Sometimes I scare myself, and yes I am learning to change ^^)
My imagination is the total opposite of the size of my body. Big. I love it when I am able to explore further into my imagination and bring it to real life. It may come in simple forms from traveling, to meeting people, to interior decorating, to dressing up my stuff, to habits and lifestyle. (It's ok to be confused. I'm a very complicated girl. haha)
Most girls do not like to go places alone, or to do things alone. For me, if I have a specific task to accomplish, I would rather do it by myself or to go with a very task oriented person. I also find joy in analyzing people, their character/habit/lifestyle/fashion etc. This explains why most of the time when in crowded areas, I tend to be a little distracted. Too many things to focus on! (tracy really needs to practice the art of hocus pocus focus!)
I have the worst memory ever. My mother will buy pills for me to take to improve my memory but I NEVER remember to eat them. And since I have such a bad memory, the next fact on this list came to existence.
I am a list freak. I can make many many lists on things that I have to buy, have to do, have not done, have not bought, etc. I wonder sometimes if I make lists for my lists. This explains why I can never ever leave home without my hp, itouch, and my notepad.
I find confidence in scent, therefore I never leave home without applying or bringing my perfume. Personally, I think that people who smell good portray a high level of self confidence. (So, for those who smell bad...er.... do something about it please!)
Just by doing this tagging thingy, I realized that I really hate it cos I am such a random person that I have a million random facts about myself. Or should I say, I don't even know what's random and what's not! (but for the sake of those who tagged me, I will la :)
When I sleep, I have to wear pajamas, have a comforter, and a soft toy by my side. I do not hug it to sleep but I feel secure with it just being there. (Soft toys can be anything cute or comfy. I am scared to death of human-looking dolls or toys. Must be the darn Child Play show I watched when I was young)
People may be weird but I know I top the list when I say that I dream of the weirdest dreams. Ready?...Here goes. Ever since I was little, sometimes I dream of shapes that move and form patterns on white backgrounds. These shapes, as they form different patterns, represent different feelings. Feelings that I myself have tried but cannot seem to describe. (Weird or what?!)
Exercise is my passion! I can never understand why people hate to exercise. I loveee to sweat and get all pumped up! There is this powerful beauty that comes with exercise. A glow, a sense of peace and joy. Exercise fuels your aura and it is a such a powerful energy solely generated by you and only for you. (I mean me la. :p I remember writing this in my old blog when I was like 15 years old or something) Ah the joy!
I have a passion in cooking and baking. Not because I actually like the process (not that I hate it) but the satisfaction comes more when you watch the people you're preparing it for enjoy it. The smile when they smell or taste it, the comments, the appreciation. Just by watching them take another cake or cookie or reach out for another bite makes all the hard work worth it! (A successful woman must be able to excel in and out of the kitchen!)
Believe it or not, I hate to wear heels! Sometimes when I need to, I don't mind wearing them to look nice cause certain outfits just cannot go without heels. If I had a choice, I would rather wear flats. (Although sometimes flats make me look like I put completely no effort in dressing up) Ultimately, I am a sneakers/sport shoe bimbo. I feel for sneakers just like how I feel towards bags. Haha. My moto: A girl can never have too many sneakers!!!
Finally. The last random fact about yours truly. This better be a good one, no? So I decided to make it random until cannot random anymore. haha. Here goes:

I get disorientated when I see frizzy hair. I love to eat white rice. I like pink but I also hate pink when it is too much. I can eat more than a guy, anytime. I don't drink coke or pepsi. I am allergic to food coloring. I can stay in the shower for a long time. I adore body scrubs and brushing teeth. I am scared of salons cos I love my hair. I hate liars. I have two voices in my head. I love to flip pages! I love my family, my partner, my Angel more than life itself. I am a high speed emo person. I don't like people who talk with a speaker in their mouth. I like to eat fatty stuff (hehe). I cannot stand seeing others sad or hurt, even if it is someone I dislike. Told you I'm a useless emotional wreck :)

Done and done.
You guys still love me, right?

The Random.

2009-01-26T18:03:00.005+08:00

Aloha!

While waiting for my ride out, I noticed...
How to cook/bake and yet have pretty manicured nails?
aiyo.

cannot lor.

Cookies And Pie.

2009-01-25T01:31:00.003+08:00

Just stepped out from the kitchen. My back and my feet hurts from standing and running around for 4 hours! But it's all worth it cos tomorrow my family will have all sorts of cookies and 2 whole pies for CNY eve! I've got so many things to do tomorrow, including some really last minute shopping. All is good. I miss everyone from church. See you guys after CNY!

This week is going to be happy, long and very joyous!

:)

I Can Too.

2009-01-23T06:22:00.005+08:00

Firsts to many.

:)

20% cookie & 80% chocolate!
That's the way, I like it! Ah-ha-ah-ha!

Have been trying to help mum out this CNY by baking cookies instead of buying them elsewhere. I did not manage to get a picture of all my other biscuits, thus explains the one and only picture above by yours truly. However my attempt of helping mum failed drastically! Why did i fail you may ask? Well, not because I failed to bake them, instead I failed to keep them around till CNY! haha. Yes, the cookies are mostly all gone. Given away, stolen (yes I mysteriously don't know where some went) and mostly eaten! How wor? Baking is tiring man, cos I tend to wanna do everything myself. But my effort turns out to be no help at all since the cookies are gone! Since I have time, and CNY is not here yet, I shall try a few more rounds. I really love it! I love getting recipes from successful/unsuccessful attempts. Sometimes I wonder if I really love cooking/baking or the happiness that I find in people who receive/eats my food? Either way, I love it. It's kinda therapeutic cos it also helps you take your mind of stuff and teaches you to be patient in everything.

This post has lost its focus but,

See, I love that too!

I'm smiling cos i'm thinking of you.

:) Gong Xi Fa Chai everyone!

Willing To, Anytime.

2009-01-22T04:40:00.004+08:00

Have been having a challenging time the past few days. My dear has not been feeling well due to his knee injury which accumulated over the years. It breaks my heart not being able to do anything to make it better, or to make the pain go away. I really didn't know what to do except offering support wherever and whenever I could. I knew that the injury has been affecting his emotions and there are times where I couldn't understand. However, as our promise to each other, we had a long talk about it to deliver questions and answers across to one another. He made sure that I was feeling alright despite his aches. How I wish that there was more that I could do. The anxiety of watching your loved one in pain is indescribable. :(

Thank god that everything is alright now. At least we know that nothing serious is happening to his knee after we went to pay Dr. William a visit at the Sports and Back Care Clinic. Although I didn't show much emotion then, deep down I was so, so relieved. Tried hard and managed to hold back the warm tears so that we can smile together and enjoy the rest of the day. I felt a huge weight lifted off my heart. It's good to see him smile again and to see the twinkle in his eyes. I miss the specialty smiles of his that never fails to make me laugh :)

After everything has passed, sitting on my bed, before closing my eyes for the day, I made a silent prayer to Daddy. A prayer saying that I would be willing to bear all the hurt and pains on behalf of the people I love. My family, Zen and Angel. I'd be willing to take the falls, the burdens, the heartache, as long as they are alright. I am willing.
I know Daddy heard me, and I know He will protect them.

''If you were to live till a 100 years old, I'd only want to live till 99. This way, I wouldn't have to go a day without you.''
Winnie The Pooh

I love you zen bi. Glad that you are going to be alright.
:)

Too Oh Oh Chiang.

2009-01-21T20:07:00.004+08:00

Xin Nian Kuai Le!

Drive carefully, eat non-stop, be happy, be safe and be blessed!
I will miss you guys.
:)

Passing Through.

2009-01-19T05:23:00.003+08:00

It was never an easy path, but we came through. After the storm, we made it. Despite the differences, the words, the ugliness, the hurt. We got through.
There is something that I have to say. And ultimately also that I just love the you I know and knew.

Enjoy
:)

.+.

Title: I Will Remember You
Artist: Ryan Cabrera
(Cover version)

Four years later,
Time goes by fast,
Got my memories
And they will last
I try to keep it simple
'Cause I hate goodbyes
I try to keep it simple by
Telling myself that..

I... I will remember you
And all of the things that we've gone through
There is so much I can say
But words get in the way
So if were not together
I will remember you
I will remember... you

We're a picture
In my mind
When I want to find you
I just close my eyes
You'll never be that far from me
So don't say goodbye 'cause
You'll never be that far from me
I'm telling myself

I... I will remember you
And all of the things that we've gone through
There is so much I can say
The words get in the way
So were not together
I will remember... you

You were there when I needed a friend
Thank you thank you
I never told you how much that meant
Gotta thank you thank you

I will remember... you.

Like A Biscuit.

2009-01-17T15:38:00.005+08:00

The tune coming out from your speakers right now, the one from this page. This song breathes out my thoughts. There's no other way to express it better than in a song, right? Many many emotions all mixed up like a big pot of unkneaded dough. Trying to sort them out would be like trying to separate the flour from the batter once you've mixed them together. I would like to stop trying right now. To sort everything out. Cos I know that it is highly impossible given the circumstance that there are no answers. Stopping doesn't mean that I'm giving up. No, it's just putting a pause into doing the same things over and over while expecting better outcomes.

Why are people so complicated? Why do they cry not having and fear losing when they do? Why are people unsatisfied with what they have, and putting so much effort in focusing on what they do not? Where are the roots of insecurity. No. What kills it? How does one stop being so dumbfoundedly afraid?

Many have been asking me questions. Some of which I have been trying to avoid.

There are answers. Or so I've heard. And like my biscuits, I'm slowly trying to work around its texture, so that I can digest them. Painfully slow, but surely.

23 years. And I've never been so unsure about picking myself up.

就一个原因

2009-01-17T15:04:00.003+08:00

不管用多少个明天

Wish You Were Here.

2009-01-14T02:01:00.001+08:00

Han.

And I Thought.

2009-01-13T14:19:00.005+08:00

Times like these reminds me of being patient in Him, waiting for the best He has to offer at the right timing. Things that come easily, go easily. It's a fact. Think of all those that you have experienced and you will see some point in what I'm saying. A season of change for everyone, including myself. Almost a year, and to think that time makes it easy. Trying hard to forget how it feels like to be bittersweet at the same time, it's no kidding. God it is really hard.

Picking up soon. No more college/university mindset for that matter. Off to the real world where rejection is the only thing that may seem noble. Disappointment as virtue. Am I prepared? Well, no one is completely.

Have got to FEEL less. Do more. Am gonna scratch every 'feel' word off my vocabulary.

For now, need to leave behind the wounds before scratching till it bleeds again. In order to move on that is. I dare not think of what ifs. But doesn't mean I do not :(

God it is so hard.

:(

Though Words May Never Be Enough.

2009-01-11T22:43:00.002+08:00

Dear Friend,

I know that you've been hearing a lot of these words lately, and it doesn't heal the pains. I don't know what can I do to make it better, because I know, I can't. Just by imagining what you're going through right now scares me. You're really strong. If the sides were changed, tables reversed, I don't think I would be able to stand it. I would have definitely been ruined completely.

Girl, you were there for me when my world came crashing down. When everyone and everything left my side and disappointed me, you, a stranger then, took me in and sheltered my heart. All the effort that you and your sister put in to help me, I will remember for eternity. You're a true friend deep down, I know that for sure cos I was there to experience your goodness firsthand. You have never took advantage of our friendship throughout and I will write that down in my heart despite what others say about it.

I am hurting right now, from the moment I heard the news. Because I know that I have no power to make your pains go away, to make you feel better. My problems seem so insignificant compared to yours right now but during that period, you didn't even complain one single bit but instead, you held my hand and walked me right through it.

I want to let you know now that I'm here. For you. Let this be my turn to make it better. And if I can't, I'll just be there. For you. Every night, I'll keep you in my prayers dear so that this storm will pass for you, and the sky is clear again.

You're not alone here. I promise.

Random Love.

2009-01-11T17:47:00.006+08:00

Lovin dresses!
Blur pic due to one of the many reasons.

air-Skiltz!
Run my warrior hero, run! (Inside joke :p)

My childhood poser friend, Mr. Tat
But I love him so! haha :p

Two important men in my life.
I'm sure you can see why.

One of my many babies.
She's so photogenic, no?

The Most Belated Post Ever.

2009-01-11T02:42:00.003+08:00

2008 has come and gone as we embrace the coming, or should I say the arrival of 2009. It is already a week and a half past the starting of this season and I still feel as if there are many things that I should have done, didn't done and must do. Though it is true that the old has passed and we should anticipate the new, there are things that I neglected to say to these very few people that I hold close to my heart.

RJST
First up, to my girls. Thank you dears for making my 2008 bearable, for kicking it off with the most wonderful surprise party ever, for going the extra mile, for pampering me like a spoilt pink poodle, for loving me so much. These pictures have been sitting in my inbox for some time, and as you know I sidetracked a lot after April 2008 thus, neglecting the thank yous. I love the three of you so much, it is hard to describe. From playing since we were little kids, till growing up to have jobs and being far away from each other, till the time comes where we have our own, I'm sure that we're still dear at hearts. I miss you girls a lot, and we missed Christmas together last year :( This year's traditions have been a little off tracked. Let's make it better! Hugs.xoxo.

The pics are blur as we were too excited so the cam was shaky. Lighting was bad too :(
Ah it's alright! cos all that mattered was in place! :)

Pampered bday girl

My friends, aren't they creative.

and they don't settle for mediocre

the yummiest cake

god it was good.

All this done when I was in the loo.

I love the effort, the smells, the candles, the room, the spa, the food, the presents, the laughters, the stories, the scary noises and most of all, just the company.
Thank you from the bottom of my tiny heart.

Baby
Dear, thank you and I'm sorry. I'm not shy to admit that I've been wrong too and I have taken many things for granted. You have been wonderful most of the times and although we do have our mistakes, you made up for it by being the person you are now. I've never said thank you for all the effort you put through on my birthday last year. Looking back, I feel like an idiot for being the person I was. But this is a new year to make up for our past mistakes right baby? And so far, we've made it through. In many areas. I love you dear, so much. Thank you for loving me the way that you do, for showing me that it is alright to make mistakes and that everyone deserves a second shot. Like you said, it will be a roller coaster ride as we're slowly stepping into the real world now with more responsibilities and priorities, more tasks and plans to accomplish. I promise to be there holding your hand throughout this ride, to be a silent listener when you need one, to lift you up when you are falling. We'll get through this together and when we look back many years from now, we'll be glad that we went through all that has happened. It will only make us stronger :) To years ahead and a lifetime of joy.
To my partner, my best friend, my soulmate, my other half.

Court, where it started.

zen :) and cupcakes

bday dinner

This restaurant has a wedding garden behind it. It was beautiful even in the heavy rain.

Love triumphs many when the foundations are right.

Cheers to another year of life.

Good Days Do Come By.

2009-01-11T01:57:00.003+08:00

I wonder how everyone is. People I've seen and have not seen for a long time. How are they doing? What have they been up to? Do they think of me as much as I do think of them? I miss RJST. Everyone has been having their own agenda and being busy but I hope that everything goes well for my girls. We need the sessions babes :(
Hun Wei is back so I'll have some catching up to do. My long lost sneak-out-of-the-house-to-counterstrike-partner. Those were the days. 7 years ago and counting. Thinking about it, time waits, well for no one.

Today, I was starring at my ever so polite Japanese teacher. I've learned so much from just their culture and behavior. It's been good hanging out with many of them as they always amaze me by their tremendous attention to details. Such strength :)

My lower back has been giving me problems again. It feels sore and injured. Don't feel like running much but yet I can't sit or stand still. Wanna get back on the court despite the pain. I'm being a fickle minded pickle, I know. Yes. Fickle. The Mind has been wandering all over lately. Not in a bad way though, but I really need to focus.
FOCUS POCUS trace!

I should get to bed now.
Cos I'm happy. And going to bed happy is..well, amazing.

Reason?
Yesterday, I was able to bless.

And I can be blessed in return too.
:)

Am grateful for everything that I have. Truly.
Goodnight.

Empty Handed but Alive in Him,
trace

New Year, Good Company.

2009-01-08T00:46:00.007+08:00

mua :p

lovin the kitchen!

Zen.Drew.Trace.Agnes.Joy.Jake.
:)

Agnes darlin. She's so sweet!

Caroline & Jake@ Toilet Bowl Cafe
(Yes we were sitting on toilet bowls haha)

Hello you.

Meet my friend Rhino. Starring at him too much makes you do things like these...

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

What an UGLY tangle-eyed photo, but oh-so-mousy!

By the way, our ears were gigantic mushrooms! (My favorite ones to be exact) Found it while eating steamboat dinner on new year's eve. Haha! The joy in little things...!

Newest New.

2009-01-08T00:06:00.004+08:00

Good start to a new year!

It has been wonderful so far. Mainly because Zen and I have successfully been able to prioritize what's important. It is good to have Zen back again, and now we can work together again towards everything that we have set our hearts on. Church has been great and I'm so eager to be part of its growth :)

Self improvement is the key. So far so good, I've been entering many areas which I know can increase my value. It's gonna be hard but yet, nothing good comes without sacrifice baby!
Not blogging too often is good too. Signifies that I'm a busy person! :)

Will update more soon.

Sneak peak of a wonderful 09'!

Wedding order delivery

Presentation

details :)

Presentation variation

Home made Chinese New Year Cupcakes for sale!

Sense :)

Second half of December..

2008-12-29T03:14:00.008+08:00

December Randoms =)

Meet my Marie! Every night she suffocates under my blankie. haha!
Thank you zen bi :)

haha, beratur beramai-ramai!

Ahoy! @ Penang

zen @ deck

My hair!

all worth it, right hun?

Seeing the positive side of things.
(Especially on this trip :p)

The Loveliest time of the year!
Celebrating Jesus :)

home sweet home

Santa Angel! She looks sad and confused...haha!

Anticipating the new year!
Come on 2009!
:)

First 2 weeks into December..

2008-12-29T01:08:00.006+08:00

Bung-A-Low! @ Ferringhi

Bungalow escapade

Food-a!

5th Dec 08 @ Penang
Following through with a celebration...

Bi's birthday with yours truly and her cake
(that travelled 200km from KL to PG and survived!)

and another..

Passion Fashion :)

6th Dec 08 @ Penang
Just the two of us...

Sunrise and a stroll by the waters with you.
Heaven :)

A week later.
17th Dec 08 @ KD

This is what exam does - suck the life out of you.

Class of 2008 :)
(ok well just the little of us on this side of the table. The others were busy, eating. -.-)

Celebration of the graduates @ Shabu Shabu

trace & laine

trace & Ray (I don't know what's with the face)

:)

trace & boss Han

Groupie!

2nd round of celebration @ One U

Trace & guys

Trace & a group of happy cupcakers!

Trace & Lisa darlin

Only grads get grad-cakes!

=)

Pinkies, Trace & Laine
(I lurve my crocs!)

Au Lang Syne?

B-I-M-B-O

The-Day-The-Earth-Stood-Still night
(seriously, we were quite still and lost for words when the movie ended. Bad choice Keanu!)

Home to my baby :)
She's sooo adorable!

The first 2 weeks of December really was a test for the fittest!
And FIT, was I!

:)

More!

2008-12-29T00:24:00.003+08:00

Simple Party cuppies
(Banana Vanilla cupcakes)

30-min Graduation Cuppies
(Butter Chocolate Almond cupcakes)
Did it in a super duper hurry which explains the mess!
But my classmates sure didn't mind! hehe :p

Vanilla Butter Chocolate Nut Cuppies
Specially for a few who simply cannot stand eating decorations.

Milky Way Cupcakes
(Vanilla Buttermilk Nut Cuppies)

More to come! ;)

2008-12-23T23:51:00.002+08:00

Angel wishes all, near and far..a warm and fuzzy Christmas.

I'm so glad, that Christmas this time round is going to be good. New start for many.
:) It's going to be all good and alright.

Merry Christmas with lots of love to everyone I know and hold dear to my heart.
I love you guys so much.
Thank you for everything.

Blessed,
trace.

My Turn.

2008-12-22T20:57:00.003+08:00

2008. What a year.

It has been tough for me, causing me to constantly find something to shoulder off my pains and disappointments. And it is indeed my personal miracle that I did come through despite it all.

In no order, my love goes out to God, my family, my best girls RJST, my cousins Yu man and Suet Ee, my leaders Pastor Kevin and Esther, Keith, Wen Dee, Shirley, Chia Huey, friends Han, Pam, Li Shan, Hun Wei, Wei Nian, Xiang, Dickson, Chew, Yau, Jesz, Nicole, Ming, Samuel, Onn, Yong Hui, Yong Kang, Jeff, Christine, Kwok Yang, Nic, Erin, Nat, Sharon Boon, Hunter, Hana, Krys, Ally, Jacob, and Samantha.

I do realize. That all through that period, the people who cared the most sincerely and wanted to see me well was those sent by Daddy. Specific those. Those who came to bring me out to relax, those who came to see me and cried with me, those who came to see me just to sit quietly with me, those who took me places, made me see things and kept me company, those who left messages, letters, gifts and comments, those who text me encouraging words daily, and countless other more.

Looking back at the list that I wrote in 2007 on my achievements throughout the year, got me all teary eyed and crushed. Not because I failed but because I made it and somehow on the way through 2008, I lost it. To say that it was taken away from me would be somewhat true yet wrong as it was a choice that none other than myself had to make. As the year finally ends before my very eyes, it is my turn again to draw up that list. Painful. But proper.

Here goes.

I remember being so close to God.

I remember leading my very own cell group and being a part of their lives.

I remember taking care of those I loved, and who loved me back endlessly in cg.

I remember having the passion, being given the chances to pursue those passion and living it.

I remember being a role model to some while following my own.

I remember the dreams and plans that I drew upon, the discipline and hard work.

I remember the faith and courage.

I remember the beginning of an end.

I remember the pain, the hurt, the distant, the words, the images, the tears.

I remember the seas of text messages.

I remember the feeling of never really stop loving but living without.

I remember the journey of sleepless night, days just spent in bed, hours looking at nothing, minutes of flashes.

I remember my car, driving aimlessly around in it to faraway places, speeding, stopping at sides cause tears blurred my vision.

I remember spending time with strangers, yet having no feeling of fear or worry cos I knew strangers could never have hurt me as much as I was already.

I remember your stare. I remember the lies. I remember the stories made. I remember the empty parking lot.

I remember the food and medicine left outside the door.

I remember Angel wondering where's daddy.

I remember forcing myself to forget it the scariest of ways.

I remember sitting in the car wishing that the seat beside me was occupied, never putting down my phone hoping that the one message or call I long for would arrive.

I remember deciding to live for those and that there were no other way but for me to make a choice.

I remember meeting new ones, losing old ones and leaving out those who weren't worth.

I remember finally putting a stop to it all. All.

I remember the noodle shop, the small talk, the weird looks, the akward moments, the hurt of walking away, again.

I remember being strong, or trying to be all over.

I remember the turning point, the calls and messages, the feeling.

I remember remembering how it was like before knowing that it will never be exactly as before what more better.

But I also remember.

I remember second chances and learning to forgive.

I remember giving in, the compromise, communication, trust and above all commitment.

I remember the turning point.

I remember graduation after graduation.

I remember having new passion and dreams.

I remember ironically seeing you again. The one I believe to have known.

I remember our regrets, and realization of never being too late.

I remember you trying, and realizing and making it work.

I remember our renewed vows and commitments.

I remember our promises to each other and to Him this Christmas.

I remember it all.

Despite this, I'm a different person through it all.
Seeing more, feeling less, learning to move on.

Bringing with me to 2009 the lessons and the experiences.

So long 2008.

Belated Post.

2008-12-22T19:55:00.003+08:00

You make everything worth it.

Even the roughest of times.

A basketball cake for a passionate player :)

Hope you liked it much much baby.

For Sale!

2008-12-20T21:04:00.004+08:00

Coming Soon!

Every season, Every occasion, Every theme, Every celebration.
It's the little things in life that makes the biggest difference.

Wait for my updates!

:)

Preview:

Sample Cuppie Cakes
Double Choc w. Buttercream Icing Topping.

Double Dark Choc w. Buttercream Icing Topping.

Double White Choc Chip w. Cocoa Sprinkles

Muffins
Eruption
(Marshmallow Dark Choc Chip)

Eruption 2
(Marshmallow Dark Choc Chip w. different topping)

Nutty Eruption
(Choc Chip Marshmallow w. Macadamia Nuts)

Thank You.

2008-12-19T18:22:00.003+08:00

Love of my life!

LaLa.

^^

Have been and gonna continue being busy LaLa-ing.
Inside joke

Happyhappyjoyjoy!

What The.

2008-12-19T01:55:00.002+08:00

I'm disgusted!!!! I'm sooooooooooo disgusted. I feel puke coming this way.

*vomit vomit*

oh god, i can't sleep tonight.

%$^!#@!#@!

The Story Of My Life.

2008-12-18T04:45:00.004+08:00

Will things be similar to the past.
Will 2009 be better than the last.

I'm afraid. Again.

Anticipating the new year, yet...

at the same time running away.

Everyday, It Does Get A Little Better.

2008-12-16T22:53:00.003+08:00

I did all I can, as much as I can.

As tired as I am trying to cram loads of info into my head and coming up with something,
I'm glad I finally did. Sometimes a little sacrifice goes a long way out.

Happy Birthday :)

My Brain Hurts.

2008-12-16T22:50:00.002+08:00

Exhausted.

Really, tremendously exhausted.

...

I need a good song.

Anyone? Pwease?

Love of My Life.

2008-12-15T22:49:00.005+08:00

You have brought so much joy into my life, and you were the one sitting right next to me, never leaving my side when my world came crashing down. Your company just made it all seem easier, and Mummy wants to thank you so much for that. When Mummy is down, you come near, and sit next to me where you belong. Without saying a word, I know you love me unconditionally. When everyone left, you stayed by my side, bringing tears but of joy. I will always remember our little escapade to Malacca where you accompanied me day and night, putting a smile to my face at night when I sat in the corner to cry. I will always remember your tiny face, pressing your nose to look out of the window to make sure I was alright whenever I went for a swim in the earliest of morning to wash away my sadness. I will always remember your waiting for me at the door whenever I came home, and you eased my loneliness. Baby, throughout that period, I couldn't have done it without you. I probably wouldn't even be here for that many reasons.

Mama will always love you, only more and more each day.

Happy Birthday Angel baby :)

urgh.

2008-12-15T18:53:00.001+08:00

Gotta be a big girl now.

have to.

got to.

will do.

2008-12-15T13:56:00.004+08:00

25 hours till the WAR.

You know how they say you can win the battle but lose the war?
I'm not gonna! You'll see.

Armored Suit -Check.
Weapons of destruction -Check.
Resources -Check.
Supplies -Check.
Mentality -...well. we'll see.

Bummer.

Old and New.

2008-12-12T21:25:00.004+08:00

.+. ChristmaS .+.

Ah the joy and wonder. But nothing comes without something in between. Sandwiched in the middle of me and Christmas, is none other than.. exams. I don't have to make u guess what's keeping me from being in Penang too. I don't wanna eat another sandwich ever again. Ever.

To think that this would be the last two papers of my studying life (Well that's if no further-further studies for me), and all I can think of is having this sandwich! Argh. I wanna be there so badly but I don't know if it is the right thing to do. I hate to choose. And I also hate when I have no choice. Yes, I'm a girl. So let me rant a little longer can? If I was able to sit 17 hours straight again to study like how I did with my thesis, I would gladly do it. But I can't. Cos so badly I wanna be there. So badly.

:(

My conscience. Picking on me again.
Come on, Trace. What's 3 days compared to 6 years. I cannot believe I have been studying for 6 years. SIX. Well technically that is. Including all the trainings, work, Florida. I'm a little afraid now. My whole life, I always knew what I wanted and where I'm going. There was always some sort of direction. And now, after 3 more measly days, I won't know anymore. I'd be somewhat free, yet lost. Don't want to make any decisions yet, cos I really want to make things happen, for the both of us. Whatever the circumstances, I'll try. To make the best out the given. I will.

:)

Want you to know..

If you'd lost all the fights,
I'd wanna take you inside,
Holding you through,
Making it all feel just like new.

I'd wanna be there,
Holding on tight,
Making it all alright,
I'll just be there.

When you're scared and tired,
I'd wanna breathe in some life,
If this world breaks you,
I'd wanna make it whole again.

If what is left for me is this
Empty longing need
I can only make it
If you ask me to take it with you.

And if you ask if I'll always be there,
I'd say I sure will, only for you.

For this time round, after many ups and many downs.

Merry Christmas, you.

I really miss you.

If This World Breaks Me.

2008-12-11T22:29:00.005+08:00

Title: Will You Be There
Artist: Richard Harris

If I lost the fight
Would you take me inside
Would you hold on through
Make it all feel like new

Will you be there for me
Will you be there
Will you hold on tight
Will you make it alright
Will you be there for me

When I'm scared and tired
Will you breathe in some life
If this world breaks me
Would you make me whole again please

Will you be there for me
Will you be there
Will you hold on tight
Will you make it alright
Will you be there for me

If what is left for me is this
Empty longing need
I can only make it
If you ask me to take it with you

I Know I've Heard The Stories.

2008-12-11T21:48:00.004+08:00

Every passing day, it'll get a little better.

Holding on to that thought.

.+.

Looking at a wall, walking towards it, knowing that you're gonna crash but yet you still move forward. Simply because you choose to. Choose to put yourself through the tests to see if you'll come out trampled or hidden, crushed or beaten, failed or fallen? Out of the many, only some manage to get through, and live wise enough to tell others about it. But how?
I'd wanna know how. How do you try not to?

I want to cheat me out of this. Just this time round.

but for now I just want to hold on to that thought.

That everyday, it'll get a little better.

Chins up trace.

LJ 6.

2008-12-11T03:39:00.003+08:00

I'm finally home, again. I want to blog, but I don't know where to start. Maybe I'm just tired from the non stop pick ups just now. It's been some time since I've played like that. I feel like 17 again! I think it's the new shoes. Lovin my LJs. :)

Marking Time.

2008-12-04T04:14:00.004+08:00

105 days.

3.5 months.

180 pages.

1 printer.

1 project.

1 grade.

1 relief.

:)

done and done.

Thank you.

2008-12-03T01:48:00.002+08:00

to you.

i am so happy.

:)

Empty handed.

2008-12-02T01:36:00.004+08:00

Dear Daddy,

This Christmas I long for one gift. One that You have given me before but I..well I gave it away. I really missed You speaking to me, and just being there even when everyone turned away. How do You still manage to find to love me despite the doubts? How can you be ever so forgiving despite my anger and fear?

This Christmas is special because I've never felt so alone in a room filled with crowded people.
I want You Daddy.

This Christmas, I'm afraid.

I don't want to be alone this Christmas.
I want to be with You.

2008-11-29T05:24:00.002+08:00

i want out.

8 More Or 8 Less?

2008-11-27T05:09:00.004+08:00

You know you've gone too far when you vomit from reading at five-oh-eleven am.

What Could Have Been.

2008-11-25T14:01:00.003+08:00

Artist: Rascal Flatts
Title: What Hurts The Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

No Way Out.

2008-11-25T13:10:00.004+08:00

Trying so hard makes it hard to breathe. You feel like everything you've worked so hard for has vanished. Just like that. I tried, by doing the best I can even if it means rejection, hurt, and emotional crash. I'm no longer the person I used to be. In some ways, I've become better, more independent and alert. But in some ways, I've lost the strong points of who I once was. Am I turning into someone I've always feared of being? A coward, a person without dreams, someone who is contented with what she has and stops striving for better? Or am I becoming someone who constantly tries to please others despite giving up my own self?

I once said that once a person reaches the bottom of the pit, she has no other way then to go back up. I was wrong. I realized that you can fall deeper into the black of not being able to see any light, as it is a constant travel, downwards.

I'm afraid, tired and in some ways determined to get out of this state, to a stronger one. Sometimes I feel like letting it all go, live a life that is made for me, go back to church and serve with all my heart, follow my passion. Deep inside I know that this is what I long for. Where can I go if I only long to please people, and not God?

Love, a sacrifice. Jesus did it for me, but I...I turned away.

I buried myself in no way out.

A Note To Us.

2008-11-24T14:16:00.001+08:00

I know you've tried hard. So have I. Like you said, were in this together. So we'll get through this together too.

I love you.

Always have, always will.

A Funny Thing Called Love.

2008-11-24T01:59:00.003+08:00

If you're not ready to sacrifice much, you do not want to fall in love.

Today I learn.

as always, the hardest way.

Losing All The Fights.

2008-11-22T13:26:00.005+08:00

A whole journey, of standing where I am.

Silently.

Just watching.

Watching as everything passes me by, visions that flashes across my mind. Knowing helplessly that it doesn't stop, for anyone. Wanting to make the moment freeze so that I can pause, breathe, look and figure out what is going on with my life. Remembering the times where I cried myself to sleep, only to wish that I'd drift off to a distant dream, of where I'd want to be.

The pain. Seems fresh like new yesterdays.
When can I stop losing all the fights?

What hurts the most is that I can never.
Only you can.

As empty as before.

2008, a year I'd want to forget.

You're Still Here But You're Already Gone.

2008-11-22T13:11:00.005+08:00

What else can be done?

Artist: Lucie Silvas
Title: Already Gone

I can't stop the moon from rising
And the sun will set exactly where it should
I can't stop the rivers from running
God only knows I'd stop you if I could

From not seeing me how you used to
From walking out the door
I can't stop you from not loving me anymore

I can't do nothing if your mind's made up
No matter how I feel it's not enough for the both of us
So don't lie to me cause there's no need
I have fooled myself for too long
Cause you're still here but you're already gone

Spring time will come after winter
But the winter seems to last the whole year long
And I know, I know you're just trying to make it easier
While I'm sitting here trying to be strong

You can say you love me
It won't sound right anymore
Cause it's written on your face
So what are you waiting for?

I can do nothing if your mind's made up
No matter how I feel it's not enough for the both of us
So don't lie to me cause there's no need
I have fooled myself for too long
Cause you're still here but you're already gone

Your coat's still in the hallway
My heart's still in your hands
I don't want to face the truth right now
But that's not who I am

No that's not who I am

I can do nothing if your mind's made up
No matter how I feel it's not enough for the both of us
So don't lie to me cause there's no need
I have fooled myself for too long
Cause you're still here but you're already gone

Still Here But Already Gone.

2008-11-22T13:06:00.002+08:00

Artist: Lucie Silvas Title: Already Gone

I can't stop the moon from rising
And the sun will set exactly where it should
I can't stop the rivers from running
God only knows I'd stop you if I could

From not seeing me how you used to
From walking out the door
I can't stop you from not loving me anymore

I can do nothing if your mind's made up
No matter how I feel it's not enough for the both of us
So don't lie to me cause there's no need
I have fooled myself for too long
Cause you're still here but you're already gone

Spring time will come after winter
But the winter seems to last the whole year long
And I know, I know you're just trying to make it easier
While I'm sitting here trying to be strong

You can say you love me
It won't sound right anymore
Cause it's written on your face
So what are you waiting for?

I can do nothing if your mind's made up
No matter how I feel it's not enough for the both of us
So don't lie to me cause there's no need
I have fooled myself for too long
Cause you're still here but you're already gone

Your coat's still in the hallway
My heart's still in your hands
I don't want to face the truth right now
But that's not who I am

No that's not who I am

I can do nothing if your mind's made up
No matter how I feel it's not enough for the both of us
So don't lie to me cause there's no need
I have fooled myself for too long
Cause you're still here but you're already gone